Thursday, January 03, 2008
Jokes to start off a new year!
Here's some jokes to begin a happy 2008!!SalesmanAirman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000.""Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"CannibalsTwo cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Oh dad, there's one.""No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough.""No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her.""No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either.""Why not?" asked the son."Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."HorseThis man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.MAN: "What was that for?"WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."The wife is satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house.Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.MAN: "What was that for this time?"WIFE: "Your horse phoned."MatchmakerA young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested - "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"The marriage officer said, "You're requirements please.""Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest."The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand. You need a television."
dreaming @ 10:00 PM
