Dreaming in process

Monday, July 21, 2008

Jokes!!

New hearing aids

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already.

The Three Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who go up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence.... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time.......I haven't made the @#*% porridge yet!!

Company Circular

Dear STAFF,Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

a) If we see you driving a CAMRY/CIVIC, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

ANNUAL LEAVE:

Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year - They are called Sundays.

LUNCH BREAK:

a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

TOILET USE :
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.

a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.

b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.

c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.

INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges will be deducted from your salary.-

Important Note: Charges applicable as S$2.00 per minute as we have 4MB connection. Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Best regards,
xxxxxxx

dreaming @ 10:15 PM

Friday, July 04, 2008

Feeling not-so-good

Been feeling bad about myself recently... Haiz...

I'm really easily affected...... Haiz.....

I dun want to feel this way :(

dreaming @ 11:25 PM